I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
