Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I bet he comes in French.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
