yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
