Kareoke will never be a sober sport
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Randomize
