is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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