I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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