A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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