pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
