From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
