He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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