her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
did i just pee glitter
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
