Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
one two three fourrrrnication!
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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