Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize