i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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