I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
