Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
