I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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