if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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