I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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