I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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