Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
