My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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