All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
