Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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