i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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