we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
