And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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