Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Found your dick twin last night
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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