I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
