Kiss
Puke
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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