Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
