He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
