Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
