I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
