my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
