Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
