had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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