Welp...herpes.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
