i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
