Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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