considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
