at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Someone shattered a urinal.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
