OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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