Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
