Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
