Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
