did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
