I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
