listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
