I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
