I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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