I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
