Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
smell my finger.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
