the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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