I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
