I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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