his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
