I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
