we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
