So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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