I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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