I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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