Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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