shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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