Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I will be naked everywhere
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
