normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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