I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
