One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
